C'est la Vie
by Muggleborn-Meghan1992
Summary: Sequel to I'm Still Me. Dramione. Post war. I suck at summaries.
1. Chapter 1

**You've all said so many wonderful things about my story. I'm hoping that you'll all continue to review and enjoy this one…it means a lot to me! =) Again, my posts won't always be regular, but I hope you'll bear with me. I've taken a lot of ideas into consideration, and I'm fairly sure which direction I'm going to take the story…but I won't tell you all just in case I change my mind. Also, cause that would just ruin it. **

**A couple of highlights, this story will focus mainly on Draco and Hermione although it might seem like it from the first chapter. It will still continue to be rated M. Not a lot is set in stone for the plot, so if you still would like to pitch ideas, whether you're a first time reader of my story, or if you've been a fan of I'm Still Me from the beginning, I appreciate any and all comments. If there's anything else you'd like to know, please ask!**

**Sooooooo….enjoy!**

**Meghan**

I was beloved by one of the heroes of the Wizarding world.

I was best friends with the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived.

I was considered the brightest witch of my age.

I was also a mother to the son of a Death Eater.

Or reformed Death Eater, I suppose. No one really knew what team the Malfoy's played for. No one cared. Voldemort was gone. The euphoria of this unbelievable event combined with the sorrow for lost loved ones masked any ones concerns about other, more mundane worries.

I should have been as relieved as everyone else, who, while not quite to the celebrating after the loss of so many good people, were all obviously quite glad the war was over. After all, I had lost none of my family, for which I was truly grateful. I could have been so much worse off. Yes, I would bear the scars that Bellatrix, the other Death Eaters, and even Voldemort himself had left on me. But I was alive. It was more than I could say for those poor souls who were lost during the war….Fred and Tonks and Lupin and Mad Eye….so many names and faces swam before my eyes. My grief for my lost friends and the uncertainty of the whereabouts and well being of my son felt like it was going to swallow me whole.

I pulled away from the rest of my friends, and went to find a secluded spot for some peace. I walked and walked, until there were no stragglers milling around, and sat down against the cold castle wall. My whole body shook as I wept, and I felt as though I would be sick. How would my life ever be whole again? So many people that I had known and come to love were gone, gone as suddenly as a fire going out, or a life being turned off. I wish I could say that it seemed unreal, like it had originally with Sirius. Back then, for weeks I had expected Sirius to come strolling through the doors of Grimmauld Place. But now…I was more than certain that our friends were gone where they could not come back. The reality of it was so fresh and overbearing that it consumed me.

To add to my pain, the one I truly cherished had stood less than twenty feet away from me in the Great Hall while the rest of the families were banded together. Draco and his father and mother were huddled closely together, I suppose trying to be inconspicuous. His eyes would not meet mine, although he must have felt me searching him out. The dark grey orbs displayed exhaustion, and his face was lined with sadness. I could not make myself even walk in his general direction, much less strut up to him and announce that he had a son. I doubted I would ever be able to add that burden to his shoulders.

It broke my heart even further every time I looked at him, at what he had obviously been through. I couldn't imagine the atrocities Voldemort had made him do, or put him and his family through. I tried not to care, tried to remind myself what he had done to me. Left me broken and in pieces, even though he'd done it for good reasons. Left me alone and pregnant, even though he hadn't known it. Just…left me. I tried to let him go and remind myself of everything I'd been through with Harry….and Ron. Ron, who loved me and took care of me, Ron, who had apologized for everything he'd done to me before Fleur and Bill's wedding. Who'd been smart enough to think to look in the Chamber of Secrets for the Basilik's fangs.

But I couldn't ever feel the same way about him. Hell, I couldn't even see him the same way after how he'd treated me our 6th year. And on the trip to hunt down the Horcrux's we'd said horrible things to each other. Some deserved, some not. The night he left….it brought back every horrible feeling of abandonment and desolation and desperation I'd felt the night Draco walked out. I'd gone into a semi-state of depression…again. When he finally had come back, I was much worse to him than I should have been. After all, it wasn't really his fault. He hadn't made me fallen in love and then thrown it back in my face. He hadn't contributed to me becoming a young mother.

All of these thoughts were plaguing me. I had no idea where to go from here. What would happen for me and Ron in the future? While he obviously saw things progressing further for us, I couldn't honestly say that I felt the same way. Would we be able to go back to school? Would we have to find work? How long would it take me to track down my parents and remove the spell…and most importantly…what was I going to do about my son?

I honestly hadn't considered living long enough to be able to find him. I hadn't had high hopes of surviving the war, being the right hand, go to woman for Harry Potter. I was almost certain of my death. But now…I couldn't just leave him out there, always wondering about his mother. Or would whoever adopted him even told the now toddler that they weren't his real parents? Did he even know I existed? Did a Wizarding family take him in? Would I ever be able to find him, know him? If I did find him, would I be able to take him back, build a home, raise him?

It was too many things to consider. But I realized something…I could never live with myself if I didn't at least meet him. Just once. I had to know who he was, who he might become, even if he didn't know me. Surely the parents would allow me…? After all, I would have done it for someone else.

Another question popped into my mind….would I ever tell Draco?

**Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. =) I considered writing it from the son's point of view with him being older, and trying to look for him, but I wasn't sure I liked the idea of that much time passing. PLEASE review, and again, hope you liked it. **

**BTW still interested in a Beta!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Ah, ah ah….", Olivander told me in that creepily quiet voice of his. "Careful now." I sighed heavily and blew a piece of hair out of my face. Three years I'd been his apprentice, studying wand lore and learning to create the deepest bond between a wizard and his magic. I felt certain I would be Olivander's age before most of the concepts of studying this branch of magic would make complete sense to me. The job was compelling, challenging, and never ending. It kept my interest, and was an incredibly good job to have obtained directly out of school. I had approached Olivander about the possibility of a job mere weeks after the battle with Voldemort.

Everyone was still picking up the pieces of their lives, and trying to move forward, but at a sluggishly slow pace. My parents had been difficult to track down, which was, after all, the original purpose of my plan. It had taken me nearly a year to find them after I got my job at the wand shop, and that was even knowing where to begin to look. They'd been exceedingly angry that I'd done such a thing to them, but I knew it truly could have kept them alive, and I think in time that they came to realize it too.

It felt like that was the only step forward that I took. While Ginny and Harry got married and began a family, Ron and I had yet to progress further in our relationship. Everyone else got their own homes, and pets and children. I lived in a London flat that was close to work, and which Ron came and stayed at on occasion. They all took glorious trips around the world and sharing experiences, while I hardly ever left home other than to go to work or a bookstore. I knew Ron was frustrated with me. He was and would always be my best friend. I loved his family, and they loved me. For all intents and purposes, it was the way things were supposed to be. I was certain that his mother and father expected Ron to propose at Christmas, which was drawing closer, and also that she was curious as to why it hadn't happened yet. I was dreading the day. Because while I did love their family, and in a way, Ron, I could never say yes to him.

It would have been wrong to proclaim my love to one person while my heart was still bound so forcefully and unwillingly to another.

Ron's touch had never made my heart race like Draco's had. His voice had never gave me chills or made my blood pressure skyrocket into the air. He was….there. He just wasn't what I wanted. And as I worked on securing the unicorn hair into the heart of the wand Olivander was holding, I wondered if I was simply genetically predisposed to ruin any and every relationship with someone who mattered to me.

Oh, and there was also the tiny fact of bearing his son. The Malfoy heir that no one knew existed…not Ron, not Harry or Ginny…not even Draco himself. Not a day went by that I didn't think of the pair of them. Draco, with his steely eyes, his unpredictable mood swings, and untrustworthy nature. And our son…who would be just over four years old. Developing a personality of his own, learning manners, and how to read…questions always ran through my mind about him. Some were specific and understandably important…others just simply the musings of a mother who had never known her child. Every day that I awoke I was torn apart by my decision. I knew it had been the right one. I could never have afforded to keep a child on my own, and I would not…could not…go to anyone else for help. I suppose some of it was pride, and the refusal to get down on my knees and beg _anyone _for_ anything. _But also, I was ashamed of how bad I had let Draco hurt me, and of how close I'd let him get to me. The only thing for me to do was give up my baby to someone that could afford to take care of him.

So I stayed in my rut in life, if not happy, then at least safe where I was….I was a fool to think that it would always stay that way…that I would never see either of them again.


End file.
